nut hugger
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
