the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
