are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
