What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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