there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this just has baby written all over it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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