im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
