dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
