Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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