Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize