He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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