i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
