I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he fucked my hip out of place.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
