We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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