So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
