and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
