I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
