So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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