Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
