Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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