i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
