His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
