i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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