Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
