"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
