dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
