i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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