my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
