Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
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