Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There r osticjed everywhere
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
