I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
