A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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