Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
