how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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