I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The struggles of a small town man whore
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
