I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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