he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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