ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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