Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
