Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
