I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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