I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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