So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
