Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
