mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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