it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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