Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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