I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
