Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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