Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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