its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
