Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My life is pants optional.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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