I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
