He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
