If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
