If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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