im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
