i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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