Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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