Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
