the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
