I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
