So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
